3 Became 4: March 2009

With the 70 degree weather, Kaylee, Noah, and I headed to the park on Tuesday evening. Kaylee took along her bike, which she is doing so great riding. We played on the playground and then walked the trail. Along the walk, I decided to take some pictures with our new camera and stopped by the geese. I wasn't paying attention and heard Noah just wimpering a bit, turned around, and he was laying on the sidewalk! Yes, you read it right, laying face down on the sidewalk (how he ended up on his belly I still have yet to figure out). I realized at that point that I had forgotten to strap him back in to the stroller after being at the playground. Poor little guy, had a 103 degree temperature the day before on his 6 month birthday, and then scrapes his face the next day on the sidewalk at the park. But he is so tough, he only cried for about 20 seconds and then was fine. So give me the award for "Worst Mom of the Day" for Tuesday. Here are just a few pics of fun time.

Riding away from us...bye Kaylee!

Before the fall, but not feeling the best. Poor Noah.

Spring breakin'

Three years since Maddi went to be with Jesus. Madelin Kennedy Pierce, 3 years old, was my niece.

It's hard to believe...sometimes it seems like it was three decades ago and sometimes it seems like it happened three seconds ago.

It was a day forever etched in my mind. Sometimes I don't even remember what happened yesterday. But this day...was different.

I remember every conversation I had, every phone call I received and made, each prayer I prayed-pleading for God to spare her life.

And I remember walking down the hospital hallway getting ready to enter the PICU. I could see Shane and Amy through the window on the double doors and knew when I walked through those doors my life would be forever changed. I paused for several minutes not wanting to hear the news I could see written on their faces.

I remember falling to my knees when I did get the news as I walked into the family area. I remember my brother picking me up off the floor. My brother, the one who just lost his precious baby-picked me up.

I remember having to tell my sister and my other brother the news of her death. I remember talking to my dad in New Zealand who was trying to catch an airplane to get home to be with his family. I remember the despair in his voice.

I remember driving home from the hospital with my mom, feeling numb and in disbelief, and knowing that I had a little girl waiting at home, her best friend. I had to figure out a way to tell Kaylee, just three years old, that Maddi went to be with Jesus and we wouldn't see her on this earth anymore. You see, Kaylee and Maddi spent at least one day a week together, if not two. My mom, the rock that she is, helped me figure out how to tell her, and we told her together. I remember watching Kaylee's three-year-old mind trying to understand something that I, at 26, couldn't even understand. It broke my heart even further.

I remember the many moments of sadness, anger, helplessness, emptiness, that followed and the many many questions I had for God.

But that is not the end of the story.

I also remember my brother telling me after her service of people that had written or called or shared with them that their life had been changed because of Maddi's death. Some people rededicated their life to Christ. One person I can remember, in particular, came to Christ for the first time. Praise God!

I had the privilege, and I do call it a privilege, of watching Shane and Amy walk the road of grief. Because they didn't attempt to walk it alone, they allowed God to walk beside them. They amazed me. They still amaze me. They were/are so transparent and real. Many times we prayed as a family when any one of us felt we could no longer carry on. There were many moments of this. The bond between each of us grew. I praise God for this family he gave me here on this earth. We have shared many moments of joy since, in particular, the new lives that God has brought into our family.

So today, I can say my life is forever changed by what happened on March 13, 2006. I'm not one who believes and you won't hear me say that "everything will work out ok" because I've seen where in my life, several times, it hasn't. But I do know that even when it doesn't, God will be there if you call on His name. He is just waiting. I can testify that God is who He says He is and will be our ever-present help in times of trouble. I still don't know or understand His plan or ways many times, and I have endured many trials since. But I still trust Him. Because when we were at our lowest of lows, He met us there. And He carried us.

I leave you with this verse and a few pictures of her final moments here on earth. What I wouldn't give to see a glimpse of her in heaven...

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, when you face trials of many kinds, because you know the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." (James 1:2-4)

A favorite picture of her with Sophie.